Saturday, November 13, 2021

Words to Live By

Nine Important Facts to Remember as We Grow Older: 

#9 Death is the number 1 killer in the world. 

#8 Life is sexually transmitted.

 #7 Good health is merely the slowest possible rate at which one can die.

 #6 Men have two motivations: hunger and sex, and they can't tell them apart. If you see a gleam in his eyes, make him a sandwich. 

#5 Give a person a fish and you feed them for a day. Teach a person to use the Internet and they won't bother you for weeks, months, maybe years. 

#4 Health nuts are going to feel stupid someday, lying in the hospital, dying of nothing.

 ##3 All of us could take a lesson from the weather. It pays no attention to criticism.

 #2 In the 60's, people took LSD to make the world weird. Now the world is weird, and people take Prozac to make it normal. 

#1 Life is like a jar of jalapeno peppers. What you do today may be a burning issue tomorrow

 All of us could take a

Some Short Ones 

A blonde drops off a shirt at the cleaners... On the way out the door, the lady at the counter says "Come Again." The blonde turns and says, "No, it's toothpaste this time you nosey beeatch!" 

Q: What's the worst thing you can say to a man who complains that his wife is frigid? A: "No, she isn't."

Q: If "I am" is the shortest sentence in the world, what is the longest sentence? A: "I do!"