Never Too Old...

As You Slide Down the Banister of Life ...

1. Jim Baker and Jimmy Swaggart have written an impressive new book. It's called ...'Ministers do more than Lay People' 

2. The difference between the Pope and your boss, the Pope only expects you to kiss his ring. 

3. My mind works like lightning … one brilliant flash and it is gone. 

4. The only time the world beats a path to your door is if you're in the bathroom. 

5. I hate sex in the movies. Tried it once. The seat folded up, the drink spilled and that ice, well, it really chilled the mood. 

6. It used to be only death and taxes. Now, of course, there's shipping and handling, too. 

7. A husband is someone who, after taking the trash out, gives the impression that he just cleaned the whole house. 

8. My next house will have no kitchen - just vending machines and a large trash can.

9. Definition of a teenager? God's punishment...for enjoying sex. 

And as you slide down that Banister of Life you should pray that all the splinters are pointed the other way...

Who says seniors don't have a sense of humor? You can say what you want about Florida, but you never hear of anyone retiring and moving north. These are actual ads seen in ''The Villages'' Florida newspaper. 

FOXY LADY: Sexy, fashion-conscious blue-haired beauty, 80's, slim, 5'4' (used to be 5'6'), Searching for sharp looking, sharp-dressing companion. Matching white shoes and belt a plus. 

LONG-TERM COMMITMENT: Recent widow who has just buried fourth husband, looking for someone to round out a six-unit plot. Dizziness, fainting, shortness of breath, not a problem. 

 SERENITY NOW: I am into solitude, long walks, sunrises, the ocean, yoga, and meditation. If you are the silent type, let's get together, take our hearing aids out and enjoy quiet times. 

 WINNING SMILE: Active grandmother with original teeth seeking a dedicated flosser to share rare steaks, corn on the cob and caramel candy. 

 BEATLES OR STONES: I still like to rock, still like to cruise in my Camaro on Saturday nights and still like to play the guitar. If you were a groovy chick, or are now a groovy hen, let's get together and listen to my eight track tapes. 

MEMORIES I can usually remember Monday through Thursday. If you can remember Friday, Saturday and Sunday, let's put our two heads together. 

 MINT CONDITION: Male, 1932 model, high mileage, good condition, some hair, many new parts including hip, knee, cornea, valves. Isn't in running condition, but walks well. 

AND FINALLY: A lady in the Villages in Florida (a senior retirement community), was sitting on a bench, near another bench with a gentleman sitting on the bench. She asked him if he was new to the community and he said "no, I have owned a condo here for 20 years". She then said, "I have been here for 15 years and I have never seen you around!". He then said, "I have been in prison for the last 17 years!". She was stunned and finally asked him what he had done. He said that he had murdered his first wife! She was stunned again and after a long long pause she said, “So you're SINGLE???”