12 things to consider after closing the door on 2020

Here are 12 things to consider as we get closer to closing the door on one of the most horrible years of our lifetime:  

1.     The dumbest thing I ever bought was a 2020 planner.

2.     I was so bored I called Jake from State Farm just to talk to someone.  He asked me what I was wearing.

3.     2019:  Stay away from negative people.  2020:  Stay away from positive people.

4.     The world has turned upside down.  Old folks are sneaking out of the house & their kids are yelling at them to stay indoors!

5.     This morning I saw a neighbor talking to her dog.  It was obvious she thought her dog understood her.  I came into my house & told my cat.  We laughed a lot.

6.     Every few days try your jeans on just to make sure they fit.  Pajamas will have you believe all is well in the kingdom.

7.     Does anyone know if we can take showers yet or should we just keep washing our hands?

8.     This virus has done what no woman has been able to do.  Cancel sports, shut down all bars & keep men at home!

9.     I never thought the comment, “I wouldn’t touch him/her with a 6-foot pole” would become a national policy, but here we are!

10.    I need to practice social-distancing from the refrigerator.

11.    I hope the weather is good tomorrow for my trip to the Backyard.  I’m getting tired of the Living Room.

12.    Never in a million years could I have imagined I would go up to a bank teller wearing a mask & ask for money.

Merry Christmas to all and here’s hoping for a happier and healthier New Year!

Feel free to copy and paste, I did 🤣

The Accident and Puns for Educated Minds plus Everyone Needs A Hug

The Accident

Husband's call to wife: "Honey it's me. I don't want to alarm you but I was hit by a car as I was leaving the office. Paula brought me to the hospital. They have checked me over and done some tests and some x-rays. “The blow to my head was severe. Fortunately, it did not cause any serious internal injury. However, I have three broken ribs, a compound fracture in the left leg, and they may have to amputate my right foot if it doesn't heal quickly. However, the doctors feel the foot can be treated and I will be OK, but they just need to monitor the foot for a few days. I'm in room 406 at Baptist East. 

“Wife's Response: "Who is Paula?

 

 

Puns for Educated Minds

 1. Did you hear about the Buddhist who refused Novocain during a root-canal? His goal: transcend dental medication. 

2. I thought I saw an eye-doctor on an Alaskan island, but it turned out to be an optical Aleutian. 

3 She was only a whisky-maker, but he loved her still. 

4. A rubber-band pistol was confiscated from an algebra class, because it was a weapon of math disruption. 

5. No matter how much you push the envelope it'll still be stationery. 

6. A dog gave birth to puppies near the road and was cited for littering. 

7. A grenade thrown into a kitchen in France would result in Linoleum Blownapart. 

8. Two silkworms had a race. They ended up in a tie. 

9. A hole has been found in the nudist-camp wall. The police are looking into it. 

10. Time flies like an arrow. Fruit flies like a banana. 

11. Atheism is a non-prophet organization. 

12. Two hats were hanging on a hat rack in the hallway. One hat said to the other: 'You stay here; I'll go on a head.' 

13. I wondered why the baseball kept getting bigger. Then it hit me. 

14 A sign on the lawn at a drug rehab center said: 'Keep off the Grass.' 

15. The midget fortune-teller who escaped from prison was a small medium at large. 

16. The soldier who survived mustard gas and pepper spray is now a seasoned veteran. 

17. A backward poet writes inverse. 

18. In a democracy it's your vote that counts. In feudalism it's your count that votes. 

19. When cannibals ate a missionary, they got a taste of religion.

20. If you jumped off the bridge in Paris, you'd be in Seine. 

21. A vulture carrying two dead raccoons boards an airplane. The stewardess looks at him and says, 'I'm sorry, only one carrion allowed per passenger.' 

22. Two fish swim into a concrete wall. One turns to the other and says, 'Dam!' 

23. Two Eskimos sitting in a kayak were chilly, so they lit a fire in the craft. Unsurprisingly it sank, proving once again that you can't have your kayak and heat it too. 24. Two hydrogen atoms meet. One says, 'I've lost my electron.' The other says, 'Are you sure?' The first replies, 'Yes, I'm positive.' 

25. There was the person who sent ten puns to friends, with the hope that at least one of the puns would make them laugh. No pun in ten did.

Everyone Needs A Hug -

 

Dems' Modus Operandi

Dems' Modus Operandi -The Lawyer with 12 kids

A lawyer, who had a wife and12 children,

needed to move because his rental agreement

was terminated by the owner who wanted to reoccupy the home.

But he was having a lot of difficulty finding a new house.

When he said, he had 12 children,

no one would rent a home to him because they

felt that the children would destroy the place.

He couldn't say he had no children,

because he couldn't lie.

Now we all know lawyers cannot, and do not lie...

So, he sent his wife for a walk to the cemetery with 11 of their kids.

He took the remaining one with him to

see rental homes with the real estate agent.

He loved one of the homes and

the price was right -- the agent asked:

"How many children do you have?

He answered: "Twelve."

The agent asked, "Where are the others?"

The lawyer, with his best courtroom sad look answered

“Well, they're in the cemetery with their mother."

 

MORAL: It's not necessary to lie,

one only has to choose the right words…

and don't forget,

most politicians are unfortunately lawyers.

 

MORE-http://wakeupamerica.roadtosuccess.us/2020/11/election-central-its-not-over-for-trump-support-honest-elections/

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15 Classic Magazine Ads

 

15 Classic Magazine Ads

 

PUNS 4 FUN

PUNS 4 FUN

Famous Quotes, er, Quotes By Famous People (the Quotes may not be so famous)

 

Knowledge is knowing a tomato is a fruit.

Wisdom is not using it in a fruit salad. 

 

Sometimes, when I look at my children, I say to myself, 'Lillian, you should have   remained a virgin.'   - Lillian Carter (mother of Jimmy Carter.  Let’s not forget Billie)   <><>     I had a rose named after me and I was very flattered. But I was not pleased to read the description in the catalogue: - 'No good in a bed, but fine against a wall.'   - Eleanor Roosevelt   <><>     Last week, I stated this woman was the ugliest woman I had ever seen.   I have since been visited by her sister, and now wish to withdraw that statement.   - Mark Twain   <><>     The secret of a good sermon is to have a good beginning and a good ending; and to have the two as close together as possible.   - George Burns   <><>     Santa Claus has the right idea. Visit people only once a year.   - Victor Borge   <><>     Be careful about reading health books. You may die of a misprint.   - Mark Twain   <><>     By all means, marry. If you get a good wife, you'll become happy; if you get a bad one,   you'll become a philosopher.   - Socrates   <><>     I was married by a judge. I should have asked for a jury.   - Groucho Marx   <><>     My wife has a slight impediment in her speech. Every now and then she stops to breathe.   - Jimmy Durante   <><>     I have never hated a man enough to give his diamonds back.   - Zsa Zsa Gabor   <><>     Only Irish coffee provides in a single glass all four essential food groups:   alcohol, caffeine, sugar and fat.   - Alex Levine   <><>     My luck is so bad that if I bought a cemetery, people would stop dying.   - Rodney Dangerfield   <><>     Money can't buy you happiness .... But it does bring you a more pleasant form of misery.   - Spike Milligan   <><>     Until I was thirteen, I thought my name was SHUT UP.   - Joe Namath   <><>     I don't feel old. I don't feel anything until noon. Then it's time for my nap.   - Bob Hope   <><>     I never drink water because of the disgusting things that fish do in it.   - W. C. Fields   <><>     We could certainly slow the aging process down if it had to work its way through Congress.   - Will Rogers   <><>     Don't worry about avoiding temptation. As you grow older, it will avoid you.   - Winston Churchill   <><>     Maybe it's true that life begins at fifty, but everything else starts to wear out,   fall out, or spread out.   - Phyllis Diller   <><>     By the time a man is wise enough to watch his step, he's too old to go anywhere.   - Billy Crystal   And the cardiologist's diet:  if it tastes good spit it out.   ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~   May your troubles be less, may your blessings be more, and may nothing but happiness come through your door.

 

 

Trudy 

Sent from my iPhone...

Excuse mistakes

Calvin The Deplorable 14 Funnies

 

CALVIN the Deplorable 15 Funnies