Famous Quotes, er, Quotes By Famous People (the Quotes may not be so famous)

 

Knowledge is knowing a tomato is a fruit.

Wisdom is not using it in a fruit salad. 

 

Sometimes, when I look at my children, I say to myself, 'Lillian, you should have   remained a virgin.'   - Lillian Carter (mother of Jimmy Carter.  Let’s not forget Billie)   <><>     I had a rose named after me and I was very flattered. But I was not pleased to read the description in the catalogue: - 'No good in a bed, but fine against a wall.'   - Eleanor Roosevelt   <><>     Last week, I stated this woman was the ugliest woman I had ever seen.   I have since been visited by her sister, and now wish to withdraw that statement.   - Mark Twain   <><>     The secret of a good sermon is to have a good beginning and a good ending; and to have the two as close together as possible.   - George Burns   <><>     Santa Claus has the right idea. Visit people only once a year.   - Victor Borge   <><>     Be careful about reading health books. You may die of a misprint.   - Mark Twain   <><>     By all means, marry. If you get a good wife, you'll become happy; if you get a bad one,   you'll become a philosopher.   - Socrates   <><>     I was married by a judge. I should have asked for a jury.   - Groucho Marx   <><>     My wife has a slight impediment in her speech. Every now and then she stops to breathe.   - Jimmy Durante   <><>     I have never hated a man enough to give his diamonds back.   - Zsa Zsa Gabor   <><>     Only Irish coffee provides in a single glass all four essential food groups:   alcohol, caffeine, sugar and fat.   - Alex Levine   <><>     My luck is so bad that if I bought a cemetery, people would stop dying.   - Rodney Dangerfield   <><>     Money can't buy you happiness .... But it does bring you a more pleasant form of misery.   - Spike Milligan   <><>     Until I was thirteen, I thought my name was SHUT UP.   - Joe Namath   <><>     I don't feel old. I don't feel anything until noon. Then it's time for my nap.   - Bob Hope   <><>     I never drink water because of the disgusting things that fish do in it.   - W. C. Fields   <><>     We could certainly slow the aging process down if it had to work its way through Congress.   - Will Rogers   <><>     Don't worry about avoiding temptation. As you grow older, it will avoid you.   - Winston Churchill   <><>     Maybe it's true that life begins at fifty, but everything else starts to wear out,   fall out, or spread out.   - Phyllis Diller   <><>     By the time a man is wise enough to watch his step, he's too old to go anywhere.   - Billy Crystal   And the cardiologist's diet:  if it tastes good spit it out.   ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~   May your troubles be less, may your blessings be more, and may nothing but happiness come through your door.

 

 

Trudy 

Sent from my iPhone...

Excuse mistakes