Marriage, Sex and Origins of Words

NOT a PAIR of Shoes

One night a fellow drove his secretary home after she had imbibed a little too much at an office reception.

Although this was an innocent gesture, he decided not to mention it to his wife, who tended to get jealous easily.

The next night the man and his wife were driving to a restaurant. Suddenly he looked down and spotted a high-heel shoe half hidden under the passenger seat.

Not wanting to be conspicuous, he waited until his wife was looking out her window before he scooped up the shoe and tossed it out of the car.

With a sigh of relief, he pulled into the restaurant parking lot.

That's when he noticed his wife squirming around in her seat. "Honey," she asked, "have you seen my other shoe?"

(NOT a pair of shoes because THERE was only one. HA)

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'SEX is God's joke on men.  LOVE is God's joke on women'  - Mort Sahl, 12-17-19 at Throckmorton Theater, Mill Valley, CA

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A Business Proposition 

Eddie wanted desperately to have sex with this really cute, really hot girl in his office, but she was dating someone else. One day Eddie got so frustrated that he went to her and said, 'I'll give you $100 if you let me have sex with you.’ The girl looked at him and then said, ‘NO.' Eddie said, ‘I'll be real fast. I'll throw the money on the floor, you bend down, and I’ll finish by the time you've picked it up.' She thought for a moment and said that she would consult with her boyfriend. She called him and explained the situation. Her boyfriend says, 'Ask him for $200, and pick up the money really fast. He won't even be able to get his pants down.’ She agreed and accepts the proposal. Over half an hour goes by and the boyfriend is waiting for his girlfriend's call. Finally, after 45 minutes the boyfriend calls and asks, "What happened?" Still breathing hard, she managed to reply. "'The bastard had all quarters!" Management lesson: Always consider a business proposition in its entirety before agreeing to it and getting screwed.

☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆

News from the UK 

Jane and Arlene are outside their nursing home, having a drink and a smoke, when it starts to rain. Jane pulls out a condom, cuts off the end, puts it over her cigarette, and continues smoking. Arlene: What in the hell is that? Jane: A condom. This way my cigarette doesn't get wet. Arlene: Where did you get it? Jane: You can get them at any pharmacy. The next day, Arlene hobbles herself into the local pharmacy and announces to the pharmacist that she wants a box of condoms. The pharmacist, obviously embarrassed, looks at her kind of strangely (she is, after all, over 80 years of age), but very delicately asks what size, texture, brand of condom she prefers. 'Doesn't matter, Sonny, as long as it fits on a Camel.' The pharmacist fainted.

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 ORIGINS

Did You Know? I cant vouch for any of these...

 'A SHOT OF WHISKEY' In the old west a .45 cartridge for a six-gun cost 12 cents and so did a glass of whiskey. If a cowhand was low on cash he would often give the bartender a cartridge in exchange for a drink. This became known as a "shot" of whiskey. 

‘THE WHOLE NINE YARDS’ American fighter planes in WW2 had machine guns that were fed by a belt of cartridges. The average plane held belts that were 27 feet (9 yards) long. If the pilot used up all his ammo he was said to have given it the whole nine yards. 

‘BUYING THE FARM’ This is synonymous with dying. During WW1 soldiers were given life insurance policies worth $5,000. This was about the price of an average farm so if you died you "bought the farm" for your survivors. 

‘IRON-CLAD CONTRACT’ This came about from the iron-clad ships of the Civil War. It meant something so strong it could not be broken.

 ‘PASSING THE BUCK / THE BUCK STOPS HERE’ Most men in the early west carried a jackknife made by the Buck Knife company. When playing poker it was common to place one of these Buck knives in front of the dealer so that everyone knew who he was. When it was time for a new dealer the deck of cards and the knife were given to the new dealer. If this person didn't want to deal he would "pass the buck" to the next player. If that player accepted then "the buck stopped there". 

‘RIFF RAFF’ The Mississippi River was the main way of traveling from north to south. Riverboats carried passengers and freight but they were expensive so most people used rafts. Everything had the right of way over rafts which were considered cheap. The steering oar on the rafts was called a "riff" and this transposed into riff-raft – or riff-raff, meaning low class. 

‘COBWEB’ The Old English word for "spider" was "cob".

 SHIPS’ ‘STATE ROOMS’ Traveling by steamboat was considered the height of comfort. Passenger cabins on the boats were not numbered. Instead they were named after states. To this day cabins on ships are called staterooms.

 ‘SHOWBOAT’ These were floating theaters built on a barge that was pushed by a steamboat. These played the small towns along the Mississippi River. Unlike the boat shown in the movie "Showboat” these did not have an engine. They were gaudy and attention- grabbing which is why we say someone who is being the life of the party is "showboating". 

 ‘OVER A BARREL’ In the days before CPR a drowning victim would be placed face down over a barrel and the barrel would be rolled back and forth in an effort to empty the lungs of water. It was rarely effective. If you are over a barrel you are in deep trouble.

 ‘BARGE IN’ Heavy freight was moved along the Mississippi in large barges pushed by steamboats. These were hard to control and would sometimes swing into piers or other boats. People would say they "barged in". ‘HOGWASH’ Steamboats carried both people and animals. Since pigs smelled so bad they would be washed before being put on board. The mud and other filth that was washed off was considered useless "hog wash". 

‘CURFEW’ The word "curfew" comes from the French phrase "couvre-feu", which means "cover the fire". It was used to describe the time of blowing out all lamps and candles before sleeping for the night. It was later adopted into Middle English as "curfeu", which later became the modern "curfew". In the early American colonies homes had no real fireplaces so a fire was built in the center of the room. In order to make sure a fire did not get out of control during the night it was required that, by an agreed upon time, all fires would be covered with a clay pot called-a "curfew". 

‘BARRELS OF OIL’ When the first oil wells were drilled they had made no provision for storing the liquid, so they used water barrels. That is why, to this day, we speak of barrels of oil, rather than gallons.

 ‘HOT OFF THE PRESS’ As the paper goes through the rotary printing press, friction causes it to heat up. … therefore, if you grab the paper right off the press, it’s hot. The expression means to get immediate information. 

 waiting for his girlfriend's call. Finally, after 45 minutes the boyfriend calls and asks, "What happened?" Still breathing hard, she managed to reply. "'The bastard had all quarters!" Management lesson: Always consider a business proposition in its entirety before agreeing to it and getting screwed.

News from the UK 

Jane and Arlene are outside their nursing home, having a drink and a smoke, when it starts to rain. Jane pulls out a condom, cuts off the end, puts it over her cigarette, and continues smoking. Arlene: What in the hell is that? Jane: A condom. This way my cigarette doesn't get wet. Arlene: Where did you get it? Jane: You can get them at any pharmacy. The next day, Arlene hobbles herself into the local pharmacy and announces to the pharmacist that she wants a box of condoms. The pharmacist, obviously embarrassed, looks at her kind of strangely (she is, after all, over 80 years of age), but very delicately asks what size, texture, brand of condom she prefers. 'Doesn't matter, Sonny, as long as it fits on a Camel.' The pharmacist fainted.

 Did You Know? I cant vouch for any of these...

 'A SHOT OF WHISKEY' In the old west a .45 cartridge for a six-gun cost 12 cents and so did a glass of whiskey. If a cowhand was low on cash he would often give the bartender a cartridge in exchange for a drink. This became known as a "shot" of whiskey. 

‘THE WHOLE NINE YARDS’ American fighter planes in WW2 had machine guns that were fed by a belt of cartridges. The average plane held belts that were 27 feet (9 yards) long. If the pilot used up all his ammo he was said to have given it the whole nine yards. 

‘BUYING THE FARM’ This is synonymous with dying. During WW1 soldiers were given life insurance policies worth $5,000. This was about the price of an average farm so if you died you "bought the farm" for your survivors. 

‘IRON-CLAD CONTRACT’ This came about from the iron-clad ships of the Civil War. It meant something so strong it could not be broken.

 ‘PASSING THE BUCK / THE BUCK STOPS HERE’ Most men in the early west carried a jackknife made by the Buck Knife company. When playing poker it was common to place one of these Buck knives in front of the dealer so that everyone knew who he was. When it was time for a new dealer the deck of cards and the knife were given to the new dealer. If this person didn't want to deal he would "pass the buck" to the next player. If that player accepted then "the buck stopped there". 

‘RIFF RAFF’ The Mississippi River was the main way of traveling from north to south. Riverboats carried passengers and freight but they were expensive so most people used rafts. Everything had the right of way over rafts which were considered cheap. The steering oar on the rafts was called a "riff" and this transposed into riff-raft – or riff-raff, meaning low class. 

‘COBWEB’ The Old English word for "spider" was "cob".

 SHIPS’ ‘STATE ROOMS’ Traveling by steamboat was considered the height of comfort. Passenger cabins on the boats were not numbered. Instead they were named after states. To this day cabins on ships are called staterooms.

 ‘SHOWBOAT’ These were floating theaters built on a barge that was pushed by a steamboat. These played the small towns along the Mississippi River. Unlike the boat shown in the movie "Showboat” these did not have an engine. They were gaudy and attention- grabbing which is why we say someone who is being the life of the party is "showboating". 

 ‘OVER A BARREL’ In the days before CPR a drowning victim would be placed face down over a barrel and the barrel would be rolled back and forth in an effort to empty the lungs of water. It was rarely effective. If you are over a barrel you are in deep trouble.

 ‘BARGE IN’ Heavy freight was moved along the Mississippi in large barges pushed by steamboats. These were hard to control and would sometimes swing into piers or other boats. People would say they "barged in". ‘HOGWASH’ Steamboats carried both people and animals. Since pigs smelled so bad they would be washed before being put on board. The mud and other filth that was washed off was considered useless "hog wash". 

‘CURFEW’ The word "curfew" comes from the French phrase "couvre-feu", which means "cover the fire". It was used to describe the time of blowing out all lamps and candles before sleeping for the night. It was later adopted into Middle English as "curfeu", which later became the modern "curfew". In the early American colonies homes had no real fireplaces so a fire was built in the center of the room. In order to make sure a fire did not get out of control during the night it was required that, by an agreed upon time, all fires would be covered with a clay pot called-a "curfew". 

‘BARRELS OF OIL’ When the first oil wells were drilled they had made no provision for storing the liquid, so they used water barrels. That is why, to this day, we speak of barrels of oil, rather than gallons.

 ‘HOT OFF THE PRESS’ As the paper goes through the rotary printing press, friction causes it to heat up. … therefore, if you grab the paper right off the press, it’s hot. The expression means to get immediate information. 

Love this....

P.s. Inline image at end was blank

On Thu, Jul 14, 2022, 10:18 AM Janet Oppio <jloppio@yahoo.com> wrote:

Hide quoted text

A Business Proposition 

Eddie wanted desperately to have sex with this really cute, really hot girl in his office, but she was dating someone else. One day Eddie got so frustrated that he went to her and said, 'I'll give you $100 if you let me have sex with you.’ The girl looked at him and then said, ‘NO.' Eddie said, ‘I'll be real fast. I'll throw the money on the floor, you bend down, and I’ll finish by the time you've picked it up.' She thought for a moment and said that she would consult with her boyfriend. She called him and explained the situation. Her boyfriend says, 'Ask him for $200, and pick up the money really fast. He won't even be able to get his pants down.’ She agreed and accepts the proposal. Over half an hour goes by and the boyfriend is waiting for his girlfriend's call. Finally, after 45 minutes the boyfriend calls and asks, "What happened?" Still breathing hard, she managed to reply. "'The bastard had all quarters!" Management lesson: Always consider a business proposition in its entirety before agreeing to it and getting screwed.

News from the UK 

Jane and Arlene are outside their nursing home, having a drink and a smoke, when it starts to rain. Jane pulls out a condom, cuts off the end, puts it over her cigarette, and continues smoking. Arlene: What in the hell is that? Jane: A condom. This way my cigarette doesn't get wet. Arlene: Where did you get it? Jane: You can get them at any pharmacy. The next day, Arlene hobbles herself into the local pharmacy and announces to the pharmacist that she wants a box of condoms. The pharmacist, obviously embarrassed, looks at her kind of strangely (she is, after all, over 80 years of age), but very delicately asks what size, texture, brand of condom she prefers. 'Doesn't matter, Sonny, as long as it fits on a Camel.' The pharmacist fainted.

 Did You Know? I cant vouch for any of these...

 'A SHOT OF WHISKEY' In the old west a .45 cartridge for a six-gun cost 12 cents and so did a glass of whiskey. If a cowhand was low on cash he would often give the bartender a cartridge in exchange for a drink. This became known as a "shot" of whiskey. 

‘THE WHOLE NINE YARDS’ American fighter planes in WW2 had machine guns that were fed by a belt of cartridges. The average plane held belts that were 27 feet (9 yards) long. If the pilot used up all his ammo he was said to have given it the whole nine yards. 

‘BUYING THE FARM’ This is synonymous with dying. During WW1 soldiers were given life insurance policies worth $5,000. This was about the price of an average farm so if you died you "bought the farm" for your survivors. 

‘IRON-CLAD CONTRACT’ This came about from the iron-clad ships of the Civil War. It meant something so strong it could not be broken.

 ‘PASSING THE BUCK / THE BUCK STOPS HERE’ Most men in the early west carried a jackknife made by the Buck Knife company. When playing poker it was common to place one of these Buck knives in front of the dealer so that everyone knew who he was. When it was time for a new dealer the deck of cards and the knife were given to the new dealer. If this person didn't want to deal he would "pass the buck" to the next player. If that player accepted then "the buck stopped there". 

‘RIFF RAFF’ The Mississippi River was the main way of traveling from north to south. Riverboats carried passengers and freight but they were expensive so most people used rafts. Everything had the right of way over rafts which were considered cheap. The steering oar on the rafts was called a "riff" and this transposed into riff-raft – or riff-raff, meaning low class. 

‘COBWEB’ The Old English word for "spider" was "cob".

 SHIPS’ ‘STATE ROOMS’ Traveling by steamboat was considered the height of comfort. Passenger cabins on the boats were not numbered. Instead they were named after states. To this day cabins on ships are called staterooms.

 ‘SHOWBOAT’ These were floating theaters built on a barge that was pushed by a steamboat. These played the small towns along the Mississippi River. Unlike the boat shown in the movie "Showboat” these did not have an engine. They were gaudy and attention- grabbing which is why we say someone who is being the life of the party is "showboating". 

 ‘OVER A BARREL’ In the days before CPR a drowning victim would be placed face down over a barrel and the barrel would be rolled back and forth in an effort to empty the lungs of water. It was rarely effective. If you are over a barrel you are in deep trouble.

 ‘BARGE IN’ Heavy freight was moved along the Mississippi in large barges pushed by steamboats. These were hard to control and would sometimes swing into piers or other boats. People would say they "barged in". ‘HOGWASH’ Steamboats carried both people and animals. Since pigs smelled so bad they would be washed before being put on board. The mud and other filth that was washed off was considered useless "hog wash". 

‘CURFEW’ The word "curfew" comes from the French phrase "couvre-feu", which means "cover the fire". It was used to describe the time of blowing out all lamps and candles before sleeping for the night. It was later adopted into Middle English as "curfeu", which later became the modern "curfew". In the early American colonies homes had no real fireplaces so a fire was built in the center of the room. In order to make sure a fire did not get out of control during the night it was required that, by an agreed upon time, all fires would be covered with a clay pot called-a "curfew". 

‘BARRELS OF OIL’ When the first oil wells were drilled they had made no provision for storing the liquid, so they used water barrels. That is why, to this day, we speak of barrels of oil, rather than gallons.

 ‘HOT OFF THE PRESS’ As the paper goes through the rotary printing press, friction causes it to heat up. … therefore, if you grab the paper right off the press, it’s hot. The expression means to get immediate information. 

Last but not least

Seen in Walmart